Last night I dreamed that Manchester gave me a pet baby octopus as a gift. Unfortunately he already bought the octopus before the tank was set up. It was reminiscent of the time in real life Manchester wanted to give me goldfish for my birthday but to this day has the tank sitting on his living room floor with no fish. So the small little octopus was kept in a plastic bag filled with water at the store, waiting for us to set up the tank. I kept going back to the store every day to check on it, but I noticed it was changing from a blue/purple color to brown and was moving around less. Eventually I told the store owners to put the octopus back in the tank or it would die. As one of the owners released the octpus into the tank, instantly it started to get better. The brown faded and the inky color came back, and it was swimming with another octopus, which I assumed was its mother. At this moment in the dream I realized that the octopus symbolized my relationship with Momo. I felt relieved and happy that the octopus was doing better, but I felt extremely sad that it wouldn’t be my pet.

You all probably wondered if I died. Lol. No, Lola is still alive and well and doing better than ever. Manchester and I broke up, which surprisingly improved my social life. When we were together I was just so in love with him that I always wanted to stay home and be with him. Now that we’ve broken up, I find that I’m doing a lot more things with friends and by myself. It’s been tough, but overall I am happy. I’m gonna post some earlier entries and I will try to be better about posting in the future.

I met a new friend.  A male friend.  This friend and I are hanging out on Saturday.  My friend has a fiancée.  Nevertheless, Manchester is livid.  Manchester says that he guesses we’re seeing other people now, and that he can’t believe that I would go out with someone when it upsets him so much.  He seems to forget when he kept seeing the therapist with whom he was infatuated, who didn’t accept his insurance.  (I’m not sure if it upset me more that he was infatuated with her or that he was not going to someone cheaper who accepted his insurance.)  I was upset about him seeing her, but he kept doing it.  He even lied to me that he wouldn’t see her anymore and kept seeing her.  He even talks about her in his sleep.  But I am still dating Manchester, and I rarely think of his therapist.

If I were Manchester, I’d be nervous that my girlfriend has a new male friend who happens to be handsome.  I say this because Manchester has been less than a stellar boyfriend.  I try to find resolutions to our problems, but it really takes two people to work on that, and right now, there’s only one of us trying.  However, he should not be concerned that I’m going to jump into a relationship with the new guy.  Manchester should be concerned that I am going to leave him and be single.  Being left and seeing that the one who left you chooses to remain single is a slap in the face that stings for some time.  I know because it has happened to me in the past.

I have told Manchester that I think these people who jump from one relationship to another or who even maintain multiple relationships at the same time have the wrong idea.  Personally, I firmly believe in the cliche the grass is always greener on the other side.  People who leave one person for another or who have affairs with others while in relationships are living under a delusional belief system.  Everyone has problems.  By starting a new relationship you may be able to avoid old problems, but you can’t avoid new ones.  Plus, I believe once a cheater, always a cheater.  If I were stupid enough to start a relationship with someone who currently has a fiancée, then I know that he will cheat on me too.

So for the past few days I’m the one with the nervous feeling in my stomach.  You would think the easy solution to all of this would be to do a group activity with everyone.  The only problem is that Manchester doesn’t speak Spanish and my new friend only speaks Spanish.  I invited Manchester, but of course, I didn’t want to go.  I can understand why Manchester is upset, but I think he should also understand that I am entitled to have friends and that he shouldn’t tell me with whom I can or cannot be friends. 

I think after all of this is over, I very well might end up being single.

I’ve learned that the point of rehab is to take away autonomy until the person submits. Will Manchester rebel like Equality 7-2521 in Ayn Rand’s Anthem?

I’m breaking up with my boyfriend.  It’s not a pleasant feeling, but in some ways once it’s all over I know that I will feel better.  Breaking up is something that I have thought about for a long time, but I never had the nerve to go through with it.  Today was the last straw.  I have tried to be patient and understanding, but he’s really asking me for more than I am capable of doing.  This breakup feels better than the others because this time I am the breaker, not the breakee, but this breakup is harder because there’s a child involved.  I think that I stayed with him as long as I did because I wanted to keep our family together, but I don’t think that’s possible now.  Sorry for being so cryptic.  I just don’t want to air all his dirty laundry here.